"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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