Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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