angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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