do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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