I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your penis caused this!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
