you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
