Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
