I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
