I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
