well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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