so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
