I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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