Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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