i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
