My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
