How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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