I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
