so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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