She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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