isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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