Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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