he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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