That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
