But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
