The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
