Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
