well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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