I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
