Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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