my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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