I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
