The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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