I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
