normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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