1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
