its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize