drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
a search helicopter?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
