"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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