I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
