I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize