I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
