I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
