so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I supernannyed him into submission
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
