oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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