Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
