Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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