i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
