so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
