I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
