Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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