Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize