he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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