Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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