if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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