So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
