If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
