just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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