i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
