Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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