no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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