sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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