He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize