i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
