I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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