I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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