We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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