don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
