I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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