Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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