woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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